super sentimental

could be the time of year.

family ties

i used to have a really big family.

while we weren't religious, we would always gather for national holidays like labor day or new years eve, eating and drinking in celebration of simply being together. the gatherings were large and lively, with a head count of at least thirty, and food and liquor overflowing the tables of my grandfather's living room. after a couple of shots, my uncle would grab his guitar and play the kids songs, to which we would dance and sing along late into the night. i would always pass out first, waking up at noon the next day in a completely different space from where i first laid down, being transported by my tipsy parents from one house to another.

the last family gathering i remember was the new years eve before my grandfather's death. it was 1991 (soon '92). he was 70. i was 8. the war was just beginning and it was a strange time to be a kid. i remember early in the day, everyone was peeled to the news. it was so boring for a kid, although it felt important.

that year, we were at my uncle's house and i remember that they made us (the grandkids) put on a show. there was seven of us, but the only boy refused to participate leaving six girls to come up with a theater act. by the time we readied ourselves and went upstairs, all the parents were wasted. it was funny. i remember laughing a lot. they all laughed too. my grandfather thought we were hilarious and it made us all happy. i can't recall what performance we put on, the only thing i can say is that i failed to remember my part pretty early on. the other girls tried to fill in, but it was hopeless. being the youngest, i got away with it easily, laughing with my mouth wide open for everyone to notice my two missing front teeth.

nine days later, my grandfather died in his sleep. he was a couple of days short of 71. i woke up to the sounds of my grandmother weeping. i remember we couldn't watch television that day. or sing.

that was my last large family event. that year, the war had come into full effect and the family was broken up by circumstance. people moved to different countries, continents, mindsets. people died. people vowed to never return. some vowed to never leave. my sister and i, bastardized by constant transition, made the vow to stay afloat. unfortunately, independence brings singularity and we've been celebrating in small groups ever since.

sixteen years later, the new years eve of 1991 is one of my most cherished memories. sadly, i know it won't repeat. i now struggle enormously with the idea of family, especially when confronted with other people's traditions.

it's not that i want no part of it, it's just that it's all so distant and foreign to me.

goodbye

bridget.

things i dislike

aaron began a new post. this new post, titled "things i like," is a place where he lists off things he, um...likes. to create a sense of balance for us all, it's only fair i begin a new post myself in which i list off things i dislike. that said, welcome to the first edition of things i dislike

here we go...

glasses. they make me feel like i'm in a fish tank.

padded bras. i suppose i just don't understand why, when the average american woman's cup size is 36c, we need padded bras. and it's not that i'm anti padding, but given the fact that it is impossible to find a non padded bra anywhere, i am getting a little po'd.

rarely updated blogs. andrea, take note.

small dog people. for some reason, small dog people feel that we should all stare in awe of their little shit creatures. and that since their small shit dog is tiny, they have the option to bring it anywhere and anywhere to yip and piss and cry.

paperwork.

cold rainy days when you have to be outside.

beginning of an era

hare and i have placed a hundred dollar limit on a game of cribbage, just to keep our gambling in check.

the demise of foreign club

in five steps

1. eugene leaves for nyc
2. andy leaves for nyc
3. antonio! leaves for nyc
4. puja leaves for down the street, maybe down the river
5. aaron leaves for tbd

peter and i are the only ones left to pick up the pieces. how curious that both of us are easterners.

week, week, weekend

lucero was in town with whiskey and co. this weekend. for a band with so many members, our little home was able to house everyone. on sunday morning, i walked into the hallway to discover a bathroom line. lucky for me, being the owner gives you budging privileges.

friday night i accompanied jordon to the atmosphere show. posso, koolig, amy and i rested by shauna's bar stipulating on nate's gayness behind the keyboards. jordon got greeted by a random hipster girl - "nice 'stache." it made me laugh. really, really hard.
it was my first of two evenings at the venue this weekend, the second being last night's rakim, ghostface, ali concert. it was lovely. randy and i hang out less and less in his old age, so it was good to just stand there, not talking, the way we used to. we both decided that big girls put out more. i am not sure why that is, but it seemed like an absolute truth.

this week i plan on cooking. while bosnians don't do thanksgiving, the americans i know do and are expecting me to pitch in. cornbread and sweet squash are my responsibilities and i plan on making them delicious. jordon is making dessert. i hope he practices this week too, because i love sweet things for dinner.

fin.

T.I.L.L. BACKLASH!!!

ever since i blogged about our t.i.l.l. adventures (yes, i know this was only yesterday), the crew seems to have taken it to the next level. maybe it went to our heads. maybe the fact i made it public has now backfired, and everyone feels they need to up the last mention. see what i mean.

this morning, the email started off with the regular...



i was making an ode to basketball, winter and my ex-boyfriend.
everything was normal, but then the responses started coming in.






and then, the last one trickled down. i am not quite sure what to think of it...

T.I.L.L.

T.I.L.L. is a little thing i've had going with my ladies at work for a few months now. it all started as generic girl talk about shoes, drinks and pillow fights, and soon turned into a much entertaining daily check-in about what seems to be fashion.

ever since the indian left our shared work environs, the "today i look like" conversation had disappeared, replaced by the regular weekend talk with people i could care less about. a day or two without T.I.L.L. with the ladies, and we were all at our wit's end.

and then, believe it or not, we re-discovered the wonderful world of gmail.

so, today the indian looks like this:



and today, the bosnian looks like this:





the american is missing in action. somewhat appropriate.



xo